the benefits of sweeping

I know I have been incredibly absent from the blog this summer, and I apologize for that. On the one hand it has been sort of nice to not have the internet so readily available, but on the other hand I have felt a bit out of loop and am looking forward to having it around 24/7 again.

As it happens, I only have about 2 and a half weeks left living up here in Carbondale. It seems insane that summer has come and gone so quickly. For those of you that read this and aren't aware of (or care about) my next move, here's the update: I will be teaching two classes at my old college (Metro State), hopefully getting my sub license and doing some "pet art" on the side, while living in a charming little house in the city with you and Roux. And. I. Can't. Wait. I'm ready for that change of pace. I am definitely a person who appreciates a small town and easy access to wilderness, but I'm ready to not be so isolated for a while. I'm excited that soon I will be able to hang out with you and Sam, and whoever else, without have to plan it weeks in advance. I am excited to have intellectual and stimulating conversation everyday (with someone besides Waldo, I mean, he's a pretty deep thinker, but he's only 8 months old.) I am excited to make things again. I am excited to get to know the ins and outs of a part of Denver so far unfamiliar to me.

Even though there are a couple of weeks remaining, I'm going to go ahead and make this sort of a wrap up post for life in Carbondale. A few thoughts I will take with me:

1. Any experience is truly what you make of it. Ever since I got here I have been waiting for the moment where I go "ohhhh, this is why I am here." Well, that hasn't really happened yet. For the most part, my time here has been all together un-impactful. That's not to say it hasn't been nice, and fun to live in a beautiful new place, but like I said I haven't felt any sort of deep sense of purpose for my being here. Part of that, or all of that, I'm sure, is due to my own detachment. As soon as I knew I was going to take the teaching job in Denver, I think I halted any efforts to really invest in this place. That's a bad habit I've noticed before. As soon as I know I am about to leave, I detach. And, how can anything ever feel purposeful when you are not fully there?

2. I love sweeping. Silly? Maybe, but I will explain. Three days a week, I ride 4 of the horses and do various other barn chores. My routine is usually to get he hard work done before lunch and then sweep the barn. You'd be amazed at how theraputic it is. One of the things I have really liked about my duties here is that they are pretty black and white, which feels good since I usually live in a world full of grey duty (sorry, couldn't resist that). What I mean is, creative work is sometimes taxing because there is nothing cut and dry about it. There is always the question of whether something is finished or not, or if you are doing it the best way possible. When you are sweeping, there is really only one way to go about it, and when you are done...you are done. So, I think that my brain has been on a nice vacation in that way, and is getting all recharged and ready to head back into the world of ambiguity.

3. I'm tired of doing things alone. I'm glad that I have the ability and feel so comfortable taking things on by myself, it's getting less and less enjoyable. Waldo definitely helps, but really, I'm just tired of doing things alone.

4. I will never cease to be amazed at how beautiful it is here, and how lucky I am to have been surrounded by it for a summer. I've had many of those moments this summer when I feel so overwhelmed by how beautiful it is that I would be perfectly ok just evaporating into it.

I might come up with some more thoughts later on, so stay on the edge of your seat. And, while you're sitting there, maybe you could post some of the photos you took during your visit??

1 comment:

Claire said...

yes, i will post them one of these days...

also, you probably wrote more in that one post than i've written in all my posts combined this summer, so i think we're even.