With each day, since taking down my show I feel like I have just walked out of a long narrow tunnel. Such is grad school I suppose. The other day somebody said that grad school is one of the only times where you are encouraged to concentrate so fully on yourself. I agree to an extent. I don't think I have ever been this self aware and focused on...well....me. One of the prose to all this "me time" is that I think I am getting to know a lot about what really drives me and where I see myself within this giant world. I haven't reached any concrete decisions or anything, but I do realize that how I feel and think about things during these two years will be a huge guide in my future.
Lately, I have felt really empty with the whole idea of making "art" to put in a gallery, to be examined and dissected by people who have such different agendas than I do. Some artists become artists because they are in love with the "art world" with knowing all the big names, all the big galleries, all the history. But that is not necessarily what inspires me to be an artist. I like all those things, but I don't soak it up the way I soak up breeds of horses for lack of a better example. Do you get what I'm saying here? I think when you really love something you should almost absorb and it should feel effortless even if it isn't.
But, I do love creativity. I love making things. I love imagination. And, at the same time, I love helping people, and being in nature.... I just have to figure out a way to combine it all. I know that for certain. What the disconnect means between me and the "art world" means I don't know. Maybe that's just a phase. Like I said, I haven't concretely decided "i am not going to be a professional artist (whatever that means)" but I am just trying to stay really in-tune with my real driving factors, and the possible paths those could take me on.

I spent this morning looking through my binoculars at this crazy ocean of hills I live in from the top of Steptoe Butte. I saw some exciting new birds, and some marmots. Unfortunately, no pictures.

So...I will just post another nice Costa Rica scene.

1 comment:

Claire said...

that is so funny you posted that costa rica photo, because i saved that exact one to post with the other ones i posted the other day, but forgot to add it.