love poems

I wrote my first poem last night for the creative writing class I have decided to audit here at old WSU. When the classmates and even the teacher found out I just wanted to take the class "for fun" they were mutually miffed. I think it will be an interesting endeavor.
My first assignment was to write a love poem using no cliches.
Here's what I came up with:

The Godfield

I can see you now, like before they scarred your surface
before they covered you up
me next to that rusty gate
the sound of shifting , munching, sleeping horses
and your enormously beautiful silence
your vast, swaying, illuminating tendency
that's what's in my pocket
the only home for you now
you've no hand to write, and I'm so far away
i'll remember escaping and being overwhelmed
i'll remember the desire to be absorbed
i'll remember love not loss

Pardon my grammatical errors, but I am in a hurry as usual.
What do you think? Does it sound like something a jr higher wrote?

Oh, and I thought I should post a picture of one of my animals. This one explains Noel to a "T"

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